Cattains log stardate 03082005

Received word from the Androminor galaxy that with the sun in Jupiter and the moon in its waning phase that the sparrows will be rising at precisely 0127hrs .

Formed catmitty with Catmmander Lizzie to discuss plan of attack .
Felt sudden urge to eat so adjourned for a snack.
Reconvened
Catmmander Lizzie (formally of the SAS) recommended optimum entry and exit points for commencement and termination of mission. Code name “catdoor” .
Another snack called for .
Reconvened but felt tired , snooze, snack, reconvened .
Momentarily forgot why we woke up.
Developed cunning route to sparrow repository with teams A and B converging from the north and south.
Snack , drink, poo.
Reconvened.
Forgot why I was here, sleep called for .
More later ……………………..

This is Cattain Bob , out

Ok and me sneaking up on something , could be a mouse ................ 

This is for Mia, a picture of me in a tree. 

Bob discusses the merits of nighttime hunting

Good evening Bob here from Cat Network News reporting from our documentary suite on the relative merits of night time hunting vrs the full frontal approach of the daytime snatch and grab.

Over the last few month Lizzy and I have been experimenting with what we describe as the all-day snooze , the early evening "schmooze" (resulting in food and hugs) , the all night prowl followed lastly by the early morning "shmooze".

Using a double blind , Gantt charted, critical path, cost controlled , standard deviation, marginalised sampling technique we have constructed a polynomial logarithmic equation which computes the body mass index in mice divided by the energy expenditure by cats required for the optimum filling of the inner food gathering and collecting receptacle in feline mammals. This has been further optimised using day lengths, time of year and the little known puke to eating ratio.
Obviously we can't go into full details here as this will be the subject of my Doctorial thesis but suffice to say move over Einstein there are some new formula’s on the block!
For a start and not withstanding the theory of relativity it is possible for cats to be in two places at once , otherwise how on earth could you explain that shredded rug done by “some other cat”?
Sorry I digress, the result of our experimentation which included Lizzy examining the baby fish in the pond at very close range was that on balance, taking all things into account, weighing up the pros and the cons , the fores and the againsts, the advantages and the disadvantages , the views of the “Save the mouse” Society and the need to not have the corner chewed out of every packet of food in the cupboard….. nighttime is the better time .
Or put simply E=MC2 where Evening =Mice X Cats Squared or put another way Evening divided by cats squared =mice , are you still with me ? (Chris says he’s calling the vet …..) and finally cats squared =mice divided by evening.
I rest my case.
I feel sick.

Bob signing out for Cat Network News

Lizzy trying hard but somehow lacking that killer look ................ 

Here I am letting Chris use me as a model , note the lion like expression I am working on. Cool, steely , aloof, a tensely coiled spring , ready to react in a micro second ....... yes

How I spent my easter Monday on the new blanket mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

I'm so tired I could really use a nap............. 

Good afternoon , let me introduce myself I'm Sandicat from Inglewood , Taranaki, New Zealand .
I'll be joining the team at Cat Network News and reporting periodically from Inglewood .
I'm nine years old and am a rescue cat from the local vet .
I have, on a whim just recently decided not to savage strangers or even not so strangers .
I let Chris pat me over the weekend , he must have forgotten our last "encounter" , owwwwwwwwww I wanted to rip his arm off but I thought, we'll let it go this time .
And Hey what do you know I get a pencil and I'm a reporter, I see the possibilities now , why did somebody not explain this sooner ?
I must discuss obvious gaps in my early instructions with the other cat in the house , Leo, he's a lot bigger than me, has a lead and gets to go in the car. Apparently, well according to him he's a Golden Retriever Cat .

Off on a mission .................. 

Lizzy "chill'n " with a friend  

Here is a demonstration of my "backing" technique, note looking where I am going and at least three paws on the tree at all times  

Nothing like ripping up a tree to celebrate ones birthday  

You don't expect me to drink out of my "official" bowl do you ?
Posted by Hello

WHAT you want me to share ? YOU CAN"T BE SERIOUS . 

Me with the birthday haul, its mine mine mine .................. 

So Ok I was in the bookcase looking at Grandads rabbit, is that a crime ? 

This is me making the bed on my birthday 

Bob and Lizzy are 1

. .

Hi Bob here for the birthday channel, well things are going well on our birthday with catches of two mice and something unspeakable delivered to the bed room at 1.30 am , 2.30 am and 3.45 am . It's really hot so we assumed nobody really wanted to sleep anyway .

Breakfast consisted of our beloved "Kitten" biscuit's , hey so what if the protein level will explode our livers that's only a rumor put about by those tree hugging free range greenies .

Looking forward to a day relaxing

Bob
(Happy birthday to me)

Bob continues the countdown

Only 200 cat naps to go, only two hundred cat naps to go , hurah

Bob counts down to the big day

Hi Bob here after a bit of a break.

Well the big news is , yes I got Chris to double check my vet book and me and Lizzy are one on Friday , that's only 300 sleeps by my reckoning wha hooooooooo.
Here is my birthday wish list (so far)

1. wake up on bed after long sleep
2. breakfast of pan-fried bunny in a white wine sauce
3. read the newspaper for five seconds then shred it
4. rip up the end of the best chair in the lounge without the customary "hey YOU" (Like I care ?)
5. open presents , hint for Chris I REALLY LIKE those cat treats A LOT, also I hear you can get mice from the pet shop, we have eaten all the locally available ones .
6. Snooze for 6 hours
7. wake up, eat 1kg of cat treats (PLEASE I'M BEGGING YOU) try not to vomit
8. Snooze again
9. Dinner fish from you know where , still wriggling (my revenge for the "Boxing Day incident")
10. fast asleep till middle of night when I will crash loudly through cat door on way to a nice little night ramble

This is Bob Signing out from the Birthday channel

Lizzy and I work on a movie....

Bob talks about the movie industry and the Christmas holidays

Good afternoon.
Bob here for Cat Network News returning after taking a short vacation to assist Chris with the production of his movie epic "From there to here, do you feel any different ...well not really" a long title , I tried to talk him out of it but , well you can only do so much!
A movie made for two friends who are turning "X" in January where X is a large number , apparently if I say what it is I get no pats for a month .
Anyway Chris has been hunched over his computer for weeks agonising over the production but we have had the box seat right from the beginning from our "front of house" on-top-of-the-printer position. We are even in the credits. (see above)

In between shooting and editing we have been very busy with "bunny and mouse patrol" and have been bringing a lot of them into the house , five of the bunnies have disappeared immediately and apparently reappeared up the hill with the neighbours kids . But they make such a snack .....although apparently not under the bed at 2am.

The weather here has not been brilliant, its been raining a lot so people have often been available for long stretches of lap sleeping rather than disappearing off in the car for hours on end. We just don't get this obsession with fine weather ?

Lizzy pulled a master stroke and had Uncle Jim photo copy the head cold he brought back from the USA and give it to Chris and so far he has not been able to go back to work but has been in bed a lot for cuddles although there is something strangely wrong with his voice at the moment.


This is Bob for Cat Network News

We are having our summer holiday , if only it would stop raining . Here is Lizzy hard-out holidaying on the printer..........